realization

I'm sure I came to a realization today
I realized I'm filling my life with bullshit to forget you
I cant forget you
I cant move on
I choose to occupy with worthlessness
just to forgive you

I was stuck in traffic and saw your face
tears fell like rivers
I saw you at your end
the last breathe you take
Its all sureal to me
I cant belive this.

With all the dancing cupcakes in my head
 I still cant forget you
The love in your eyes took my breathe away

How many times I looked at you and thought life was too perfect
In my worse of worse I thought of you-before us-before you
I knew it wouldnt last forever-
so i'm filling a void of perfection to take up the spot you left
no perfection can be that perfect

I miss your face
the love in your eyes
the care that you gave
the love that we made

Wish I could find something to replace that
I watch you destroy yourself
Wish I could help
hope for the best
what good are hopes and wishes if you do nothing to change the circumstances

I talk to you mother
I speak with your cousin
When can I walk away with a clear heard

your married now
too good for her
but settled from desperation
shoulda been more patient
wish i coulda contained it
what good are coulda  and shoulda's when its in the past?

I want someone to want me like you did
like you do
I want to be happy like i was with you
keep your picture on the wall
not to sure why
remember my happiness
hope for the future?

I'm sick of filling these voids
I'm sick of hoping for more.
It wasn't really worth it
I know you see that now

If I could take back the last 2 years
I woulda done so much more
I want you to be you
I want you to come back

what were you thinking
I've drank myself retarded
I cant take it anymore
I wish you were healthy again
I wish you were you again

Libra horoscope for Saturday, Aug 14 2010 by DailyHoroscope (http://bit.ly/DHmobile)

And this is my horoscope for tomorrow after I wrote the following words on restlessness...How fucking convenient...
Someone you have been thinking about could call you out of the blue, or you could bump into someone from your past. Either way, you will be happy to recapture some of the wonderful memories this person calls to mind. Nostalgia is on your mind lately anyway, and those feelings of longing for days gone by could indicate a need to get in touch with a particular person who surfaces in your mind from time to time. You have nothing to lose by reaching out to this person.
--
Copyright (c) DailyHoroscope.
Download it now -- http://bit.ly/DHmobile
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Restless

I'm restless again...

.you've got that feeling creeping back in.

 I hate this feeling. Uncontrol of myself. 

You found the only crack in my armor

keep seeping yourself in 

only at the most convenient times

You come and go 

 I'm unsure of what to do

I swallowed my pride and gave you my soul

Oh how lucky you are, thats something I'd never generally do

I've got to get back on track. 

I was doin so good too. 

I really don't want to feel like I have to hide about this again. 

I need a release.

 The workouts aren't doing their jobs anymore. 

Drinking to forget instead of enjoyment. 

Writing has begun to bore me. 

Painting is hard with no thoughts or drive. 

I can't sleep. 

My skin is a mess from this stress.

The anxiety is back....yet again...

Constant torture-

-continuous thoughts of what I can't control or change-

-the waiting is unbearable.

 I just wish I was sure of what this wait was for.

My life is on pause. To be continued.

 Constant pressure.

 I wish something would come along to occupy me. 

Occupy and entertain my thoughts.

Nothing seems to work.

There must be a reason for this.

Fear of the future.

Forgiving the past.

Heavy on my shoulders.

I feel like someone is following me.

I shouldn't have to watch my back.

I know your ass is coming before I ever see you

I'm so completely sure this isn't normal.

I shouldn't feel like this.

My emotions are raging.

From one scale to the next.

Don't stand so close,

I might snap your neck.

It's not my fault

I cant control it.

I'm  a total reckless mess.

How is this possible 

I don't understand it.

It just isn't me to not be in control of it.

The pleasure and the pain inflicted over this.

I'm positive your part of my past.

Way back when,

before the brutality of this new world,

before the electronics, maybe before the shiny cars

before the slave hangings, before the oil on the shore.

I know you to well to not know that.

This is the only thing I am sure of.

Go back to your homeland

make a new life there

your to close for my comfort

you just cant stay here

I'll buy you a ticket 

rent you a boat

you torture me

go far the fuck away

so I can get back to being me

I didnt sell my soul to the devil

this shit don't seem fair

I could totally pretend

pretend I never met your ass

If only you didnt scream my name

making sure I never forget your ass.

No chance of that happening 

I can assure you of that.

You make my skin crawl

pupils dilate

nostrils flaring

my stomach gets upset

I break out in cold sweats

nerves start jumping

hands start shaking

Can't you see your unhealthy for me

I know you dont want to do that to me

I pretend you have the same symptoms

it makes me feel like we relate

Sometimes its not pretending

I can see it in your ......wait......

all that bobbin and weavin

and lookin over shoulders

the constant stares but so quick to look away

you damn well know I see you

the jittery hands and constant movement

the shine on your face

dilated pupils and ......

me knowing every move your going to make

go away 

 relieve me from my restlessness

keep your voice out of my armor

I dont want to wait until next Summer

I dont want to be your friend

not even your homey

dont even want to see you face

your not prepared for me

as much as I complain and wish you'd disappear

the only time my soul is alive is when you stand near me

so completely alive again, never thought that was possible

I'm aware of my life again 

my feelings have been numbed from a disastrous life

your job is done here.....

so when's the next flight

use protection people_the world cant handle nemore of this

How can I fly when my wings are broken

Libra horoscope for Monday, Aug 9 2010 by DailyHoroscope (http://bit.ly/DHmobile)

You may be looking around for a four-leaf-clover, a star to wish upon, or a lucky horseshoe, but all you really need to succeed right now is determination and belief in yourself. A wonderful opportunity is unfolding in your life, Libra, but you may be feeling intimidated by it, and hoping that good luck alone will see you through. But you make your own luck, and you are certainly up to the task. Don't work yourself into a discouraged state by imagining how you might screw up. The only option is to believe you will succeed, and then succeed.
--
Copyright (c) DailyHoroscope.
Download it now -- http://bit.ly/DHmobile
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

This is Snoops son--n that tattoo looks awfully familiar

The Dream - Cry *MyNewFavoriteSong**

This for my twitter page

For my twitter page

Ohh ohhh ohhh aiiii

Twitter page

Crying

Oh yea . Official

Mhmm girl you

You have done

Something to me I cant just lose

You got me handcuffed to your heart

And its true

I feel nothing unless i`m by you

Girllllll girlll

Something in my stomach starts to flicker when you are around

Something in my soul stars jumping whenever you come around

And I will never ever never ever never ever let you down no no

And I will never ever never ever never ever dissatisfy you i`ll only stand by you

So girl i`m putting these words in the air and hopefully when I wake up in the morning i`ve got faith that you`ll be right there

Cuss all the ones before told you they loved you ; but i`m telling you I really fucking love you girl

And all the ones before have told you you`re beautiful but I really think you`re fucking beautiful girl

And all the ones before said that they would take care of you but I really wanna take care of you girl

House , car , girl whatever

Just put me and you together

Want this so bad I don`t know why but i`m sure if you don`t have me

i`ll cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry

i`ll cry

Baby can you please listen to me?

I may not have the perfect life or big blue eyes

But what I got is deeper than the sea

Yeaaaa

But what I`m willing to give you

A million men in the world wouldn`t give you ; if they had it to give for free

Are you listening to me? (Are you listening to me?)

I can`t lie

You know you can have any man in the world

I can`t lie

You would really be doing me justice to be my girl

But don`t get it twisted

i`m a man in my own words

In time ; you will find out that I`m exactly what you deserve

Cuss all the ones before told you they loved you ; but i`m telling you I really fucking love you girl

And all the ones before have told you you`re beautiful but I really think you`re fucking beautiful girl

And all the ones before said that they would take care of you but I really wanna take care of you girl

House , car , girl whatever

Just put me and you together

Want this so bad and I don`t know why but i`m sure if you don`t have me

i`ll cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry

i`ll cry

I`m pretty sure that

I could see the water flowing down my face like a river

I`m pretty sure that

Everytime I think about it I just start to shiver

i`m pretty sure that

I will die on the stake if you don`t take me girl

i`m pretty sure that, i`m pretty sure that

Baby please have me in your world

Daa daa daaa

Want this so bad and I don`t know why but `im sure if you don`t have me

i`ll cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry

i`ll cry

Libra horoscope for Wednesday, Aug 4 2010 by DailyHoroscope (http://bit.ly/DHmobile)

Superman could leap tall buildings in a single bound, stop a forest fire by blowing it out, see through walls with his x-ray vision, and accomplish numerous other impressive feats. Yet even Superman had an Achilles heel. Kryptonite could render the man of steel down to a weak and helpless puddle of goo. You may have an adversary right now who probably seems as invincible as a superhero. But this person also has a weakness. Think about this person's habits and attractions, and you'll figure it out.
--
Copyright (c) DailyHoroscope.
Download it now -- http://bit.ly/DHmobile
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Bow Impersonating Wayne

Bow Impersonating 50

I am slowly falling apart 
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty

LMFAOOOO 50 Cent Loves Fat Joe! - ThisIs50.com

LMFAOOOO 50 Cent Loves Fat Joe! - ThisIs50.com

50 Cent and DJ WhooKid

Is it me or does the man on the left not look like Denzel?

A Song Of Despair by Pablo Neruda

The memory of you emerges from the night around me.
The river mingles its stubborn lament with the sea.

Deserted like the dwarves at dawn.
It is the hour of departure, oh deserted one!

Cold flower heads are raining over my heart.
Oh pit of debris, fierce cave of the shipwrecked.

In you the wars and the flights accumulated.
From you the wings of the song birds rose.

You swallowed everything, like distance.
Like the sea, like time. In you everything sank!

It was the happy hour of assault and the kiss.
The hour of the spell that blazed like a lighthouse.

Pilot's dread, fury of blind driver,
turbulent drunkenness of love, in you everything sank!

In the childhood of mist my soul, winged and wounded.
Lost discoverer, in you everything sank!

You girdled sorrow, you clung to desire,
sadness stunned you, in you everything sank!

I made the wall of shadow draw back,
beyond desire and act, I walked on.

Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost,
I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you.

Like a jar you housed infinite tenderness.
and the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar.

There was the black solitude of the islands,
and there, woman of love, your arms took me in.

There was thirst and hunger, and you were the fruit.
There were grief and ruins, and you were the miracle.

Ah woman, I do not know how you could contain me
in the earth of your soul, in the cross of your arms!

How terrible and brief my desire was to you!
How difficult and drunken, how tensed and avid.

Cemetery of kisses, there is still fire in your tombs,
still the fruited boughs burn, pecked at by birds.

Oh the bitten mouth, oh the kissed limbs,
oh the hungering teeth, oh the entwined bodies.

Oh the mad coupling of hope and force
in which we merged and despaired.

And the tenderness, light as water and as flour.
And the word scarcely begun on the lips.

This was my destiny and in it was my voyage of my longing,
and in it my longing fell, in you everything sank!

Oh pit of debris, everything fell into you,
what sorrow did you not express, in what sorrow are you not drowned!

From billow to billow you still called and sang.
Standing like a sailor in the prow of a vessel.

You still flowered in songs, you still brike the currents.
Oh pit of debris, open and bitter well.

Pale blind diver, luckless slinger,
lost discoverer, in you everything sank!

It is the hour of departure, the hard cold hour
which the night fastens to all the timetables.

The rustling belt of the sea girdles the shore.
Cold stars heave up, black birds migrate.

Deserted like the wharves at dawn.
Only tremulous shadow twists in my hands.

Oh farther than everything. Oh farther than everything.

It is the hour of departure. Oh abandoned one!