Love/Loving/ToBeLoved

What exactly does it mean? sometimes I wonder. I’m a strange kind of person when it comes to that. I don’t believe in marriage. To me, marriage isn’t anything but a contract with the state. I have no reason to feel this way other then my own trials and tribulations- my parents and grandparents have all been married forever-maybe it’s just the bullshit Ive gone through and everyone else my age I know. There are no happy endings there are only right nows and today's. No piece of paper is going to change the way I feel or act in my life to tell me what I'm doing is right or wrong-bottom line is, it all comes down to LOYALTY. All that paper means is its gonna cost me money to get rid of you and instead of me being nice and giving you your shit back that paper says I get to keep it and maybe if you fucked up bad enough you ll have to pay me-but I don't want your fucking money. Of course, I imagine that would all change if I met the right person. But aren't they all the right person at some point?

Unfortunately I’m a hard person to deal with when it comes to this factor. I only have a heart that is so big which means I don’t spare any expense when it comes to love-I don’t love a little-I love with all and I only give that Love to very few people because I don't have any left over.-maybe that’s why its so strong. Ride or Die bitch.I know within 5minutes of meeting a man what role he will play in my life IF he plays one at all. I have only mistaken this 1 time. We all know who that was and it was unfortunately the best relationship I’ve ever had-if your willing to look over the drug addiction behind my back and the cheating on me with a pseudo lesbian part. At the same time though-I didn’t love him the way that I had others-it was a different love almost a close friendship, comfort. The brother I’m missing maybe?

I wonder why it is that I don’t feel the need to get to know someone and fall in love. I don’t need to know you to love you. I just feel it. Is that even possible? I would say no if it wasn’t for the fact that I have done this to many times. I don’t bother trying to get to know someone because anytime I have-that feeling was never there and it never showed up. I "Love" with all my heart, which in most cases, cause me to give it to those who deserve it least.

One thing is for sure-If I tell you I love you—That shit is real-Those are words I don’t waste. I don’t expect it back. I’m comforted just to know that you all know it-and you know who ya’ll are. Cuz Ya’ll’s my Nigga’s

I love you