realization

I'm sure I came to a realization today
I realized I'm filling my life with bullshit to forget you
I cant forget you
I cant move on
I choose to occupy with worthlessness
just to forgive you

I was stuck in traffic and saw your face
tears fell like rivers
I saw you at your end
the last breathe you take
Its all sureal to me
I cant belive this.

With all the dancing cupcakes in my head
 I still cant forget you
The love in your eyes took my breathe away

How many times I looked at you and thought life was too perfect
In my worse of worse I thought of you-before us-before you
I knew it wouldnt last forever-
so i'm filling a void of perfection to take up the spot you left
no perfection can be that perfect

I miss your face
the love in your eyes
the care that you gave
the love that we made

Wish I could find something to replace that
I watch you destroy yourself
Wish I could help
hope for the best
what good are hopes and wishes if you do nothing to change the circumstances

I talk to you mother
I speak with your cousin
When can I walk away with a clear heard

your married now
too good for her
but settled from desperation
shoulda been more patient
wish i coulda contained it
what good are coulda  and shoulda's when its in the past?

I want someone to want me like you did
like you do
I want to be happy like i was with you
keep your picture on the wall
not to sure why
remember my happiness
hope for the future?

I'm sick of filling these voids
I'm sick of hoping for more.
It wasn't really worth it
I know you see that now

If I could take back the last 2 years
I woulda done so much more
I want you to be you
I want you to come back

what were you thinking
I've drank myself retarded
I cant take it anymore
I wish you were healthy again
I wish you were you again